Taking a Break?

So I’ve had some people email me to see if I’m all right, mostly since I haven’t posted since July and most of my posts are the result of doing something physically painful to myself. Feelin’ the love, y’all.

No, I’ve been on an intentional hiatus. I’ve got a crap ton of work to do and I have two kids involved in fall sports/activities, and… okay, wait. That’s a lie. I mean, it’s not a lie that my kids are keeping my busy, but it’s not the reason I haven’t been posting.

I can’t do the politics right now. I just can’t. If I ever let myself sit down and post about the state of politics right now, Congress will repeal the First Amendment just to shut me up. There will be censorship boards again, and I will FAIL.

So I’m coming back after this shit’s over–assuming the world wasn’t set on fire during the night of November 8th–and will get back to posting ridiculous crap. In the meantime, I leave you with this important message:

Voting is an important right, and it’s a massively important part of the whole American process (even when it doesn’t feel like it). And right about now you’re thinking that I’m gonna remain neutral and just encourage you all to go out and be a part of democracy next month. You’re so fucking wrong.

Voting just for the sake of voting is for fuckheads. Vote for Hillary. I swear to all that’s holy, vote for Hillary. Fuck Trump and his hatred-inducing regurgitated diarrhea. Fuck the notion of “protesting” by voting for one of the two douches pretending they still have a dog in this fight, you’re only going to divide the vote and give the Trumpkin the victory. Fuck writing in your dog’s name, even though it’s sounding better and better by the minute. Fuck sitting at home on your ass and avoiding the whole mess because standing in line is inconvenient.

Don’t be an asshole just because you’re allowed to by law. Save us all, do us all a favor, and oh yeah, I delete any comments on my blogs that piss me off because First Amendment only applies to the Constitution, not the blog that I pay good money to maintain.

See you in November, I hope.

How to Avoid the Election

Don’t get pissy, I’m planning to vote. But I hate the elections. I hate hearing about it, talking about, being interrupted during my cartoons about it, thinking about it, reading about it, and pretty much anything else election-related. So here is a list of things I will be thinking about all day today (except for the three minutes it’s going to take me to vote):

1) There was apparently a Big Foot sighting over the weekend. Oddly, it turned out to be a bear in Big Foot drag. Who are we to judge this bear’s sexual role play fantasies? And yet, someone video taped the whole thing.

2) There is a coffee that costs about $50 a pound, and it’s made from beans that are pooped out by a monkey. If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’.

3) It just so happened that a dingo has now eaten an American baby, so they’re branching out somehow. I’m declaring this the Dingo Apocalypse.

4) A teenager in Washington state has been getting death threats because he punched an octopus.

5) There can be as many as 50,000 spiders in a single acre of grass, but that’s okay because tarantulas can survive for two years without eating.

6) In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone‚Äôs ear while they’re moose hunting.

7) We share 98.4% of our DNA with a chimp, but don’t get excited because we also share 70% of our DNA with a slug.

8) It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear. Mind blowing, I tell ya.

9) Ancient Egyptians used crocodile poo as a form of birth control. I will not share with you how they used it, or why I had to look that up.

10) Dr. Seuss invented the word “nerd,” but he was probably the least nerdy person ever born since his first career was writing military propaganda.

There you have it, ten things to ponder all day long. I hope it carries you all the way through the live minute-by-minute coverage of every vote cast.