Last week sucked koala butt. I got bitten by a spider, my kid broke her leg and got braces in the same day, a dear woman I know passed away, and school starts back today. With the exception of the friend (who lost a ten-year battle with cancer, so even there, it’s bitter sweet because she’s not hurting anymore), the other items on the list are all tied for the silver medal in the Suckfest Olympics.
I’ve figured out my new multi-drazillion dollar business: professional homeschooling. I’m pretty much okay with wherever my kids go to school and who their teachers are, but it would be awesome if I could get up and get ready for work, then have someone else come in and wake my kids up and teach them stuff. Heck, they can even send them to the school up the road, if they wanted to. It’s not like I’d ever know the difference. Just don’t make me get them there at the same time that my body is supposed to be at my job. The hard part of being a working mom isn’t the work, people, it’s getting three human beings out the door without one of us getting arrested for indecent exposure. Someone work on this, please.
Luckily, there’s all kinds of neat things going on that kind of balance out the hard parts. I reviewed a new book and it wasn’t the worst trashy romance book ever. I’ve read some doozies. This one actually dragged out the whole schmexy part, to the point that you wondered if the cowboy was ever actually going to get down to business with the cute, educated, titled divorcee-turned-cattle-drive-cook from England who ran off to America when she found out her husband the Duke was gay. Yeah.
On my autism blog, I explain why it’s really important to have the right clothes for school. Sometimes it’s so you can fit in. Sometimes it’s so you don’t wet your pants in the fourth grade. Think it through.
On these other blogs I read, all kinds of stuff happened:
Dude, Grow A Pair. Don’t Let Your Woman Pluck Your Nose Hair.
This description of the worst first date in the history of dating.
And I added a whole new board for teachers on Pinterest, even though the Funny board is…well…funnier.
Lorca Damon 
You got me beat girl. I’m sorry about your friend.
A shitty week all around. Really puts my bad date in perspective.
Sorry to hear that the last week was a suckfest. Can you imagine all the suckiness you’d read if someone put on a contest? I saw a commercial for some new show Matthew Perry is starring in where he was in a group therapy session on had split the group so that each person was going head to head about why their life sucked worse. I admit it. I laughed. It took my mind off my own suckfest for a moment.
Anyway…sorry to hear you lost a friend. Good ones are hard to come by. Hopefully that spider wasn’t poisonous. Here in Florida we worry about those kinds of things. We also worry about giant frogs in our toilet. I came home from the grocery store once with my husband standing on the driveway hysterical because he went to set on the toilet and saw the giant frog staring back at him. He was convinced the thing had wanted to eat his butt.
Yeah right like you’re ever going to find the holy of grail of parenthood – not running around in the morning shouting ‘I don’t care if the socks are uncomfortable and itchy we have to go now as soon as your brother has dried his hair and I’ve found my… sorry his geography homework and I’d better get an A for that river delta work or I’m going to slap that Miss X. IT’S HALF PAST EIGHT! Let’s get going… shoes, you need bloody shoes… what do you mean only one shoe? etc etc” It isn’t going to happen Lorca, let it go. Some bloke wrote a book called ‘Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff’ I think his name was Carlson, anyway he said that stress was caused by the difference between expectations and reality. Now I tried to apply this, but as a teacher, (Happily now ex teacher), and a parent if I lowered my expectations, the kids, students and my own, lowered the reality, until we were all doing bugger all and nothing happened! There are levels of ‘shoutiness’ and stress that are natural okay. Here’s a guide. Teacher raising voice to top level blast at teenagers who have intentionally screwed up a well planned lesson – acceptable. Adolf Hitler screaming racist annihilation doctrine at a rally – unacceptable. Fill in the middle of the scale and have it on my desk next Monday and I’d like the pictures coloured in and the writing legible this time, yes Jack I’m talking to you.
Spider? What kind of spider bit you? Radioactive one by any chance? That’d make the school run easy…
I’m reading your autism blog regularly as I’m doing that respite night with autistic nephew every Tuesday now. Isaac is extremely autistic. Last week his excrement came out the nappy and down his leg, he left footprints… you can imagine the rest. Sweet kid though and well behaved. There are times I’d like to live in the same world he lives in, it looks fun and interesting. I wonder what he thinks and sees at times.
Anyway hope next week is better for you and as a last thought perhaps that romance novel’s sequel could be ‘Brokeback Dukedom’ and for my money if neither the duke nor the cowboy were keen to shag her that ‘heroine’ better get some Listerine and an underarm roll on and stop thinking that men who won’t shag her are gay.
Sorry to hear about your colleague. Though if you want to keep her memory alive and scare students, do what we did and start rumours and arrange ‘events’, such as writing on boards etc, indicating that, in our case, Mr Hall, was haunting the school and would haunt bad students. Head teacher spoiled my friend and my fun in the end, but had good humour over it. Just asked us to ‘grow up’.
Happy term time Lorca. As usual great to read about what you’re doing; funny, inspiring, informative and entertaining.
Next stop Christmas Island with a short break at Halloween half term attol.
Lorca. So sorry about your friend who passed away. Damn, when it rains, it pours.
Your humor shines through nonetheless and sometimes that’s the best thing to pull us through.
Hang in (I know you will), and thanks for linking me – hope it made you laugh.
eden