There Has Never Been a Better Time to Not Work at McDonald’s

A job in the fast food industry is almost a rite of passage, a time period in the life of any high school student that shapes who he is because it makes him realize that yes, Virginia, he really does want to go to college. He learns to reheat food that was flash frozen, placed on a truck, thawed out, dunked in boiling grease, slapped under a heat lamp for a few hours, then redunked in the oil to give it one last go as a source of nutrition for some schmuck in a hurry. He learns that the new guy cleans the toilets, and he hopefully learned to read that sign hanging in there about employees washing their hands before returning to work. He learns all about how the corporate world sucks the life out of the little guy and bleeds him dry, especially when he’s handed that first paycheck with his thirteen total hours of work on it and discovers that in some industries you actually get to pay them to let you work.

I myself had a brief-but-glorious career in a Baskin Robbins. I was politely encouraged to quit (apparently firing people makes customers not like ice cream anymore) after freehanding a “Happy Fuck Off Day” cake. In my defense, that is what the customer wanted it to say, and the customer is always right.

But the world of fast food employment isn’t all bad. There’s something to be said about a kid getting a job, sticking with it even though it’s craptastical, and then buying his first car with the money he saved up. That kid is going to go on to big things down the road.

All that is about to change, though. McDonald’s, arguably the leader in the field that other restaurant chains follow, has updated its uniforms to be more metrosexual less American. I don’t exactly know how one of the iconic symbols of America plans to dress its employees less American, but that’s literally the plan that got handed down from corporate. They even hired a stereotypical fashion designer to come up with the new outfits.

Feast your eyes:

No, you won’t get beaten up in the parking lot for wearing that outfit.

Words kind of fail me right now. I can’t wait to see how corporate plans to make Taco Bell uniforms less Hispanic.

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12 thoughts on “There Has Never Been a Better Time to Not Work at McDonald’s

  1. I worked there in the era of navy polyester, and I thought THAT was pretty awful. These look like they were chosed from among the bolts of fabric that were UNWANTED by anyone else for the godawful color. Whatever that mustard/puce color is called – McDonalds can rest assured that employees will not only look un-American, they will look DEAD!

  2. I think that they should have a uniform like those children’s all in one printed fancy dress outfits with a stacked burger printed on the front; you know the kids costumes made from light weight material so that the kid can wear it over their clothes, the ones that the kid steps into and you zip up the back and the costume is printed on it. So where the waist is there’s a wide print side on view of the patty. Then you’d be faced by a line of burger buns with heads on as you went to the counter!

    • Fun! But I think you’ve hit on something even better. Judging from the people I’ve seen working at McDonald’s, I’d like them all to wear zip up biohazard suits with little shoe booties and head covers. Maybe a surgical mask to go with it. And I want my food prepared in those glass incubator cases with the reach through gloves attached, so that I know it wasn’t contaminated. Well, any more contaminated than it was when the sub-par beef arrived in their restaurant on a big 18wheeler.

  3. I’m failing to see the issue with the uniforms, but then I don’t know what they used to be. So what does the American icon dress it’s Australian employees in? I wonder if we had the same uniform? Oh, wait, what do Australian McDonalds employees even wear these days? I may have to go check before we can continue this conversation.

    I never worked in the fast food industry. I worked as a medical receptionist instead. It’s better. In the Australian system, where healthcare is free, I figure this means you have no customers, since customers technically have to pay for something, so this conveniently freed me from the customer is always right philosophy. I played music on weekends, and studied law when it was quiet, and taught my juniors bad habits. It was a wonderful time. And anyone who doesn’t like my logic can just shut up LOL

    • I really just love the baby-poop-green unidress that the one girl is wearing. Because fast food employees aren’t thrilled to death enough to be doing this, NOW they’re gonna do it wearing Star Trek dresses from the 1960s.

  4. hilarious, Lorca. I kept staring at the new uniforms, and shuddering. The repressed memories coming to the fore . . . and then I thought: how will they keep their ties out of the french fryer? Are the ties just velcroed down? My sister worked for the clown most of high school and I tried to follow, but only lasted a week. When I told the manager I had to leave, she wouldn’t allow that, said, “Take a week off, and then start again. You’ll be great.” Played on a little middle child’s “please everyone” worldview . . . yes she did. So, I came back after a week, did another week’s hard time, and finally quit for good. Yep, made me want to go further with my education. Great post.

    • I’m sorry, I really did read your comment but I had to come back to it at a later date. I got stuck on the visual of pissy I-have-the-authority teenaged managers getting their ties caught in the deep fryer! Bwaahaahaa!

  5. Maybe in the interest of nutrition the employees should wear clothes that look like tossed salad….maybe camo with red blotches. Then children will think of healthy food–or murdering something depending on the child.

  6. I have teens with glorious jobs and have enforced a different attitude. Be happy to make the bathroom sparkling clean faster and better than the last guy, smile at every customer and ask them from your heart if there is anything else you can do, and don’t eat any fried food at the job (it’s not good for us). I think you were right in giving them the cake with the words as ordered. 🙂 PS the uniforms remind me of those gold Century 21 jackets from the 1980’s – pea soup poop colors can’t be appetizing but what do I know?

    • The article on the new uniforms ACTUALLY SAID they were trying to make the customers think of mustard and pickles! I want my burger to make me think of those things, not YOUR CLOTHING!

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