You Said “Shaft.”

Mount. Shaft. Grind. Insert. Hole. Stopcock. Lubricate. Bushings. Seepage. Stroke.

No, this isn’t a list of things I plan to do on any given Saturday night. It’s a very true list of words I wrote down during two back-to-back episodes of the television show How It’s Made. Heehee. I said, “Back-to-back.”

You can call it educational all you want, you can swear to me that it’s interesting, or enlightening. But I’m telling you, it’s nasty. Filthy, pornographic, Penthouse letters-quality erotic spew. There is no way that the words, “This apparatus has two spouts that spray a solution over the surface,” can mean anything other than what you now think it means.

Take this episode for instance, which explains how hot dogs are made:

“Long rolls are loaded into the stuffing machine.”

“It pumps the meat, twisting it every 5.25 inches.”

“Then steamy air blows the casings right off.”

“A mouthwatering meal is just minutes away.”

SERIOUSLY? This is a Freudian slip buffet! How am I supposed to concentrate on the actual making of hot dogs with this level of suggestive language blowing around the room? CRAP, I just said “blowing.”

Just in case you think I’m blowing this out of proportion (dammit!), watch it for yourself and play my family’s new drinking game. Every time you hear a suggestive word or phrase, you take a drink. You won’t make it through an explanation of how shovels are made without succumbing to alcohol poisoning. Trust me, there are lots of “shafts” and “inserting” in that episode.

Lorca’s Week in Review

This past week was kind of like a hangover wedged between two binge drinking events. We went to the beach for one week and then we’re going on some day trips next week, so this past week was where we kind of just lolled around the house stuffing ourselves on Cheetos and watching reruns of Psych on Netflix.

Of course, the Olympics started, and nothing says summer time like watching men’s swimming because they’re all wearing those outfits from Magic Mike. Awesomeness, just add water. And to go along with the 2012 Live-From-London fun, here is a great infographic on how to maintain a good drunk all the way to the Closing Ceremonies.

If you don’t have booze at your house, here is some fun stuff I Pinned instead:


On a really serious note, I wrote a blog post for my Autism blog about people judging me for how I raise my kids. My firm stance on the issue is the only people who can judge me for my parenting style would be the actual judge who signs the court order having Child Welfare take them from the home.

Lastly, I read a grown-up book this week AND a publisher let me take a stab at editing a manuscript. Or as I like to call it, eat a man’s soul. Look for that book to come out in November, but I’ve already got a sick feeling the author won’t be thanking me in the acknowledgements.