Mount. Shaft. Grind. Insert. Hole. Stopcock. Lubricate. Bushings. Seepage. Stroke.
No, this isn’t a list of things I plan to do on any given Saturday night. It’s a very true list of words I wrote down during two back-to-back episodes of the television show How It’s Made. Heehee. I said, “Back-to-back.”
You can call it educational all you want, you can swear to me that it’s interesting, or enlightening. But I’m telling you, it’s nasty. Filthy, pornographic, Penthouse letters-quality erotic spew. There is no way that the words, “This apparatus has two spouts that spray a solution over the surface,” can mean anything other than what you now think it means.
Take this episode for instance, which explains how hot dogs are made:
“Long rolls are loaded into the stuffing machine.”
“It pumps the meat, twisting it every 5.25 inches.”
“Then steamy air blows the casings right off.”
“A mouthwatering meal is just minutes away.”
SERIOUSLY? This is a Freudian slip buffet! How am I supposed to concentrate on the actual making of hot dogs with this level of suggestive language blowing around the room? CRAP, I just said “blowing.”
Just in case you think I’m blowing this out of proportion (dammit!), watch it for yourself and play my family’s new drinking game. Every time you hear a suggestive word or phrase, you take a drink. You won’t make it through an explanation of how shovels are made without succumbing to alcohol poisoning. Trust me, there are lots of “shafts” and “inserting” in that episode.
Lorca Damon 
The dentist office is the same way! Here’s my list of the 5 dirtiest things you’ll hear there. 1. Open wide…wider. 2. Now spit. 3. Looks like we’re going to have to fill that hole. 4. You’ll feel a little prick. 5. You’ll be sore for a day. Football too is dirty here are 5 dirty sounding things related to that sport. 1. The tight end went around. 2. He can’t keep his hands on the ball. 3. He’s under the quarterback. 4. He split it down the middle 5. He needs a good six inches.
I’m quickly realizing that I may have a dirty mind.
I’m afraid it might be us. Here’s our test: let’s wait and see if we’re the only ones laughing!
I think it is us since we seem to be the only ones laughing. I’m good with that.
I cannot believe I didn’t pick up on this. Thank you, Lorca!
And now, you can never unsee it. It will always make you giggle, and you’ll be the only viewer in the room laughing while the other people look at you funny.
Lorca, you commented on my Goodreads thread about trading out reviews. Goodreads won’t let me message you. Please email me at Author_Belinda@yahoo.com so we can talk privately. Thanks. đ
Excellent web site you have got here.. It’s difficult
to find quality writing like yours these days.
I seriously appreciate individuals like you!
Take care!!
Lorca–
Don’t let that go to your head. I’m willing to bet ‘sikkerhet’ means ‘Security’.
“I speak European jive”.
–Nono
Oh thank you thank you thank you! I so needed my Lorca fix! Now what show is this???
It’s called How It’s Made on one of those smarty pants channels. The guy talks in a completely boring, monotone, which is what makes it even better when he says, “Insert the shaft into the lubricated hole.”
Heheheheheheheheheheh!
Too funny. Harlequin authors can pick up nifty new descriptions for lovemaking and the apparatus involved from this site!