There Will Be Blood…here. And Over Here.

This is a majorette who could cause some serious blooding.

I had this really, really hilarious post planned for today. In fact, I was even in the middle of writing it when there was a knock on my office door. My younger daughter opened it, walked in, and said with an eerie smile, “There has to be blooding.”

I wasn’t alarmed at first because the younger child, besides being autistic and therefore having a certain way with words, often says quirky, offbeat things that pop into her head mostly because she really wishes she could have been a Viking. So I smiled and engaged her in this conversation.

ME: REALLY? Blooding? Are you sure?

CHILD: Uh-huh. There has to be lots and lots of blooding.

ME: That sounds super-gross! Is the blooding from your last Viking raid?

CHILD: No.

ME: Did your Viking horde slaughter some sheep for a feast? ‘Cuz that would be all kinds of awesome blooding.

CHILD: No. There has to be blooding. Outside.

ME: Well, of course you blood people outside, silly! What kind of Vikings drag their victims into the parlor and get blood all over the good furniture?

CHILD: No. There has to be blooding.

ME: Yes, sweetie. You said that. It’s starting to get a little creepy. Have you ever seen that movie with the weird little girls? You’re kind of being like both of the twins.

CHILD: The blooding is outside. Right now.

ME: Um…wait a minute. Where’s your sister?

CHILD: Outside. She is blooding. In her face.

I abandoned the super-hilarious post I was writing and raced outside to find my oldest child had been daintily practicing her baton routine and then accidentally caught it with her teeth (as opposed to the on-purpose-because-we’re-carnie-folk kind of way). I helped her up and held my yucky favorite T-shirt to her mouth as I led her inside, while younger sister kept pointing and saying, “There is a lot of blooding. There is more blooding. And more blooding.” Oddly enough, there wasn’t a lot of funny for about fifteen minutes, so the post will have to wait.

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22 thoughts on “There Will Be Blood…here. And Over Here.

  1. Glad it was just a peppermint. You never lose any of the 4 teeth the orthodontist wants you to lose before you get the braces–just the important ones like the obvious front ones. hope she learns to catch those things before the “twirling fire” thing starts. That could be even more painful!

  2. I exeperienced way too much blooding when I was in nursing school. I thought I could handle it, because I waited until my 3 offspring were all safely grown before going back to school, and I had survived their childhoods without completely losing my mind. But I knew by the end of my first semester that I am not cut out to be a nurse. However, I could not drop out, because my mostly 18-year-old classmates had elected me class president. What kind of an example would I be setting if I quit? So I doggedly stuck it out, I made it all the way through graduation, I did the big inspirational Class President’s Speech, I got my diploma, I even got license. And then… I went home and wrote a book. No More Blooding.

  3. Ha ha ha ha!!! This was funny – really. And the more time that passes the more funny it will be for everyone involved except the victim, of course.

  4. Erp. I hate that kind of stuff. My wife called me once in a panic to tell me my (then) 3 year old had fallen down and hit his head and that “he has a big hole in it”. All of this while my son is making sounds like a deranged weasel on speed in the background. Then my wife said, “I have to go, the ambulance is here,” and hung up on me.

    I had the worst, freaked-out, panicky drive to the hospital with constant phone calls that went unanswered. I got to the hospital: 3 stitches. That was it. Luckily, there were doctors on staff to treat my heart attack. Same kid snapped his two front teeth off under the gum line the very next year.

    Teeth all good to go? Or are they baby teeth, and who cares? (Stephen Colbert calls them, God’s dental mulligans.)

    • No, they’re permanent teeth, but so far they’re all staying in place. My nephew did something that I didn’t even know was possible but that apparently happens a lot more than you hear about: as a toddler he hit his mouth on the edge of the coffee table and managed to shove his front two teeth back up in his head. He got to go through teething all over again, but this time, as a two-year-old! That shit is nasty!

  5. Hi. New follower here. The absolute worst day of my life still brings me to tears if I stop and go all the way there to that memory. My senior in high school was very young and knocked two teeth out by crashing on his bike and face planting on the cement sidewalk. My wife and I were packing for a camping trip when he comes in the kitchen door, moaning, his mouth gaping and full of all sorts of uglyness. “There has to be blooding” that day, for sure.
    So everybody is okay?
    Thanks for sharing, but I’m sure we would have all rather had the funny post instead! Right, mom?

    -Jimmy

    • That’s horrible! Who gives a child a toy based on the concept of hitting things together really hard? Wait…that’s kind of the concept of most toys, I guess.

  6. Ah yes, the blooding days. I miss them (mine are 22 & 24!). I remember my all white kichen liiked like there had been a Charles Manson visit –from a cut finger! Great post. I hope she didn’t knock a tooth out!

  7. My son is 13 and my daughter 8 and that’s 13 years of being interrupted and dealing with minor emergencies. I forget what I did with my time before I had children, but then I don’t think I had as much fun or that anything I did before the children came along was even remotely as important or interesting. Blooding. Yes I think that where there are children doing stuff there has to be blooding. from time to time.

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