I really wanted to be a better person this year, but two things happened. First, I woke up and accidentally dropped my toothbrush in the toilet, and of course the toothbrush stores are closed today so I’ve been walking around the house swishing toothpaste and club soda together to try to get my mouth clean. I’m trying really hard not to take it as a sign that 2012 is going to suck camel ass.

The second thing that happened was I stumbled on this music video that actually had a catchy tune, if I needed a playlist of songs to listen to while bludgeoning people to death. It was like staring at someone who forgot to put his pants on. You’re staring and you know it’s wrong, but oh well it’s the most interesting thing you’ve seen all day.

And there, at the end of the video…an advertisement. I’m all prepared for an ad for iTunes or where I can download this band’s music. Nope. The best advertising fail ever just happened on a song called “Vampire Rock Anthem – Live Forever.”

I shudder to think what hordes of vampires might do on Space Mountain, especially since Disney is INVITING them there. And the Baptists were afraid of Gay Days. You ain’t seen sin and carnage until the undead jump in line at the Dumbo ride.