We’ve Reached the Halfway Point! (In other words, you’re almost done.)

I could make my yard look like this if I wasn't an idiot.

It’s October 16th. I’m halfway through the month and have written more blog posts in the last fifteen days than I usually do in three months. I can’t honestly say I’m BORED with the process, but I’m certainly ready for something shiny to come along and grab my attention. Like a Mercedes. Those are scrumptiously shiny, although I wouldn’t know since people who actually own those kinds of cars don’t like me to stand too close to them for fear that I’ll scratch them or drop the already sticker-shocked value.

I have a long history of reducing the property values anywhere I live, mostly because of my nasty habit of just not giving a damn. The grass gets mowed when I can no longer see the dog in it (and I’ve owned a German shepherd). I also purposely constructed these little rock walls around my property so I can just drop a live fern, plastic pot and all, inside the devious little rock wall and no one knows that I can’t landscape to save my own life (well, fern) because I can throw it away—pot and all—when I let it die from neglect.

So it’s a little bit amazing that this blog hasn’t died from neglect yet like the sad little yard ferns. Even more jaw-droppingly awesome, about forty people every day have nothing better to do than read this blog. I’m going to have to fully endorse smoking crystal meth to you people. I am seriously a little bit sad, albeit “give up my firstborn child” grateful, that you keep stopping by here.

In the meantime (meaning, “As this blog gets dumber and dumber as the month of October wears on,”) please keep in mind that this whole month of rambling stupidity is all in preparation for a very serious month of writing THE GREATEST NOVEL EVER WRITTEN BY A HUMAN BEING. That’s because L. Ron Hubbard’s books don’t count since he’s not a person, he’s a reincarnated alien or something. Thanks for watching!

Welcome to October! Feel free to leave.

In order to explain the crazy that is November, I’d have to back up and explain the insanity that is October. Every year in NOVEMBER (not October), the Office of Letters and Light hosts a month long event called National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo. I participated last year, it was a total barrel of monkeys.

In order to get ready for the grueling demands of NOVEMBER (not October), some writers decided that OCTOBER (not November) should be dedicated to disciplining ourselves for the job of writing almost 2000 words every day in NOVEMBER (not October) by holding what they call NaBloWriMo in OCTOBER (not November). Get your mind out of the gutter, the Blo part of NaBloWriMo stands for “blog.” Yup, we’re supposed to write a blog post on our sites every day in OCTOBER (not November)(doing that to the months of the year will never stop being funny).

So I’ve some how been dragged along to this clam bake by my fellow writers, and that means a daily blog post in OCTOBER (okay, it’s kind of wearing off now) from yours truly. Sadly, it takes massive amounts of energy drinks mixed with alcohol to write the funny stuff that I manage to post maybe four times a month, so OCTOBER on this blog is going to be fairly dull. Feel free to go over to ShitMyDadSays.com for the duration of the month.


However, as I QUICKLY run out of things to talk about, I will have to resort to posting a lot of pictures of random stuff from my new camera phone and every third picture I take is usually an accidental crotch shot. Fully clothed, get over yourself. I will also have to write a LOT about my friends and relatives, so check back often to see if you should take me off your Christmas card list for telling the entire Internet about you getting your first period in the food court of the mall when we were twelve. You were warned.