It’s October 16th. I’m halfway through the month and have written more blog posts in the last fifteen days than I usually do in three months. I can’t honestly say I’m BORED with the process, but I’m certainly ready for something shiny to come along and grab my attention. Like a Mercedes. Those are scrumptiously shiny, although I wouldn’t know since people who actually own those kinds of cars don’t like me to stand too close to them for fear that I’ll scratch them or drop the already sticker-shocked value.

I have a long history of reducing the property values anywhere I live, mostly because of my nasty habit of just not giving a damn. The grass gets mowed when I can no longer see the dog in it (and I’ve owned a German shepherd). I also purposely constructed these little rock walls around my property so I can just drop a live fern, plastic pot and all, inside the devious little rock wall and no one knows that I can’t landscape to save my own life (well, fern) because I can throw it away—pot and all—when I let it die from neglect.

So it’s a little bit amazing that this blog hasn’t died from neglect yet like the sad little yard ferns. Even more jaw-droppingly awesome, about forty people every day have nothing better to do than read this blog. I’m going to have to fully endorse smoking crystal meth to you people. I am seriously a little bit sad, albeit “give up my firstborn child” grateful, that you keep stopping by here.

In the meantime (meaning, “As this blog gets dumber and dumber as the month of October wears on,”) please keep in mind that this whole month of rambling stupidity is all in preparation for a very serious month of writing THE GREATEST NOVEL EVER WRITTEN BY A HUMAN BEING. That’s because L. Ron Hubbard’s books don’t count since he’s not a person, he’s a reincarnated alien or something. Thanks for watching!