Sure, it’s Saturday, so I was going to be as lazy as humanly possible with this post. I was just going to repost a bunch of pictures I found on the internet and call it a day. Only since I’m such a giver, I got really sucked into researching this topic and had to have professional help to get me back out of the dark hole I had plunged into.
It has long been one of the mysteries of the Universe that people find my blog by mistake after searching for horse stuff on Google. No one knows why. I never write about horses. In fact, I’ve written exactly ONE horse post ever, and even that one was only in response to the crazy numbers of people who search for horses, only to be blindly led by metadata to my website. But the horsieness goes on, thanks to the SEO mysteries of online search capabilities.
So today, here is another gift for all of my raging horse fans out there. A SECOND post about horses, complete with pictures I took off the internet because I wanted to be lazy.
Photo Number One: People who want to see this photo are welcome to come to my blog any time. It’s just funny. Not the picture itself, oh no. The fact that someone bought all that stuff and thought to himself, “You know what would be AWESOME? If I could get the HORSE to wear it!” Think it through…someone patiently bribed that horse to stand still for this. Probably with horse-crack.
Photo Number Two: This photo is for the people that I’m actually afraid are searching for horses and coming to my blog. Yes, the secret data that website owners have access to shows me exactly what people type on Google when they end up here. It would scar for you life. As does this picture. Yup, that is an S&M costume for people who like to dress up as horses and then have sex. Presumably with other people, but possibly with other horses, although I have to say I don’t think that outfit is going to fool anyone, human or horse. This costume is actually quite famous. I saw it on Law & Order:SVU.
Photo Number Three: Still with the possibility that this is a famous horses photo, only this guy was on Dateline NBC with Chris Hansen. You know he dresses that horse up in a pink tarp to lure small children into his molester van.
Photo Number Four: This last one just makes me sad. For the horse. It even looks humiliated, like it took this gig to pay the bills while he was a struggling actor and now it surfaces from time to time thanks to paparazzi who blackmail him.
There you go, Universe. I have now provided you with all the justification you need to type “latex horsey sex” into your search engine and come to my blog. I would love to say that you’re the weirdo in this relationship, but I do write about manatees with rabies and Olympic curling and phone sex credit card operators. You’ll fit right in.