I know, I know, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve been horribly busy with things like cleaning out closets and planning a trip out of town. You know, that kind of all-about-me stuff that I like to do. It’s exhausting. So this will catch you up to speed.

It’s summer. That means it’s hot. It also means I’m boycotting the whole internet because all I see are blog posts, tweets, and Pinteresty things about how hot it is. Seriously? Where the hell have you been every other summer of your whole entire life? How in the world did this one summer get so hot and all the other ones were mere balmy memories? Do you not remember running through the sprinkler as a kid because it was HOT? Or standing in front of the open fridge until your mom screamed at you to shut the door because it was HOT in the house? You don’t remember turning a box fan around and putting it in the window trying to suck some of the heat out of your house because it was HOT? Hmmm. Must be just me.

In other news, I rigged an electric fence on my property to keep my dog inside the fence. It involves a lot of wire wrapped around our fence posts and several car batteries. It totally works. I think the dog can actually smell the electric current because she hasn’t left the porch since I put it up. I completely saw this idea on Pinterest.*

(*No, I didn’t. There are some things even Pinterest can’t help me do.)

I also figured out how to break wine bottles in strategic locations so they become vases, because nothing says, “I’m a classy gal,” like vases scattered around your home made out of discarded Boone’s Farm bottles. Again, saw it on Pinterest.*

(*Again, no I didn’t.)

I also found a website willing to rent me a boat for five hours as long as I sign a waiver that says I won’t use the boat to bring drugs or Cubans into the country. Since making sweeping claims about political refugees is wrong on so many levels, I assume they meant I promise not to bring Cuban CIGARS into the country, which I would never do anyway because smoking is bad for you. I rented a boat and plan to use it when I go to the beach. They didn’t specify WHEN the five hours starts, so I plan to make it start after I get to Florida.

Finally, today is my anniversary. Screw crystal or silver, because apparently fifteen years is the “two tickets to see the midnight showing of the last Batman movie and a whole bunch of wine” anniversary. My husband and I are celebrating fifteen years of not killing each other by going zip lining and rappelling this weekend, so if all goes according to plan I’ll be filling out my eHarmony profile on Saturday night. That was a joke that I saw on Pinterest*. (*see above)