I love handicapped people. I promise, I really do. So I really hope no one thinks this post is making fun of handicapped people because it’s totally about making fun of stupid people. There is a quite-likely possibility that the stupidity on display in this picture is what made this man handicapped, but it is not my place to judge, at least not out loud.
Yes, take a look at this photo and soak it all in. I almost didn’t have time to get my camera out and get this picture before he went roaring through the intersection, but the gods of internet humor were smiling on me that day.
I know what you’re thinking: “What’s the big deal, Lorca? So what, a dad is driving a motorcycle with his kid on the back. Stop being a hater!” And I could almost let it slide that you’d think that way. So let’s take a look at this a little more closely, remembering that this scene played out at a stoplight in front of my car. This wasn’t a case of, “OMG, look what’s happening in the background of the picture I was taking of something totally unrelated.” This shit happened in front of my face. In slow motion, even.
This, my dear friends, is a picture of a one-armed man riding a motorcycle (which is still all well and good, yay for handicapableness) with his child TIED TO HIM WITH A BELT because the kid is asleep. Oh, and it’s not the kid’s helmet. The kid didn’t actually have one while the dad was using his own belt (at the stop light, no less) to tie his son in place.
Now, you might be thinking, how in the world did a one-armed man hold that bike up and get his kid strapped to him for the ride home? With help… FROM THE KID’S MOM. She helped strap the kid in place from the safety of her own bike, and finally thought to take off her helmet to give it to Junior. I know exactly where this intersection is and it’s not possible that these people don’t live at least a mile away, if not way, way more.
Dad has a helmet (and one arm). Mom has a helmet. Kid has no helmet as he clings to Dad’s stump for support. And when he fell asleep, Mom slapped a helmet on him while strapping him to Dad’s torso, which if history is any indication will be sliced in two momentarily.
Now, you all know (and love) the fact that I’m hateful and judgmental. It’s why you read this blog. But I’m here to say that this kid probably isn’t going to make it to the next intersection, let alone to college. There’s an award in his future, all right… a Darwin award. And it’s sad. Sad that the kid probably doesn’t have the best future ahead of him, but really said that most people think I’m a bad mother for letting my kids eat canned pasta and drink from the garden hose when it’s hot outside. Priorities, people… get you some.