See? I know what you were thinking. You were hoping against hope that today might finally be the day when I go all Michael Moore on you and you can think,”Lorca finally stopped being such a weirdo and started to take a serious look at the state of the country.” Well, I am. Not being weird, I mean. So there. Pffffft. I’m taking a stand against shopping cart corrals.
This is too a serious issue, just ask all the people who obliviously go about their business, doing a little shopping, not hurting a soul, only to get into their cars and slam ass-first into the little robot that zooms around the parking lot, scooping up all the shopping carts.
See? I know what you’re thinking again. NOW you’re thinking, “Well, there’s no way Lorca is going to write a serious post about anything, especially now that she’s hallucinating about robots zipping around a parking lot.” Well, joke’s on you, buster, I happen to know those little robots are real because I backed my car into one! So there! Pfffft again!
(NOTE: I get it that you might be inclined to think I’ve been drinking since I claim to have run over a robot while doing my grocery shopping, but I swear it happened.)
(NOTE PART II: I’m not sure I’m really making my case here with all the spitting at you going on, and I really apologize for the spitting, but I’ve just learned how you would type the noise that spitting makes and I’m having too much fun to quit. See? PFFFT! I can’t help myself.)
I really did back into the shopping cart scooper robot, and the thing about that stupid robot is we wouldn’t even need it if people would just take their carts back to the store. But THIS has got to be the worst case of shopping cart corral abuse I’ve come across:
The only real abuse going on is from me. I know that guy, and I punched him in the head for parking his car in there. Has anyone else taken issue with the fact that he not only wedged his car in there, but that he actually had room to get the doors open? It’s like this guy now has an Ironman suit around his car, protecting it from people who back over robots. That is unacceptably unfair. His car gets to sit in its own little shark cage while the rest of us take our chances with being dinged and smashed. I, for one, am going to go spit on his car, now that I know how.
Lorca Damon 
I think you should spit on the car ’cause the owner is so thin she can get out of the car while it is in the corral……clearly she doesn’t celebrate the Holidays.
We should probably give her food, since she’s so underweight. Of course, groceries don’t FIT in that car, which leads us full circle back to the original problem.
Well that’s the most extreme case of Christmas parking spot desperation that I’ve ever seen! Of course it would be impossible to see that here – we only make our corrals one shopping cart wide. I’ve yet to see a car that skinny… although I concede, perhaps a motorbike. Still, seriously, seriously desperate.
I don’t know… It looks like the space between his side door and the side of the corral was about 6″ less than the width of a cart.
That being the case, I would have MADE mine fit.
You’re a good person for trying this out with your car. I was looking for a bunch of objects I could cram in that space so he could never get out.
Right! Okay! Well I finally emerge from a long internet absence caused by a combination of working nights at a mail centre as a Christmas casual, having no computer as the screen power pack ‘packed up’ and waiting for the hard to find new one to arrive from… a factory on the moon I think, (yes I did keep a look out for the parcel containing it at the mail centre), and an internet absence prolonged by having failed to attend said night work because of a week’s worth or flu, vomiting bug and gland infection, which being male felt like I was actually going to die; the first blog I check into via an e-mail link is yours and I suspect that I’m still suffering from fevered hallucinations. WTF? Shopping cart Robots? WTF? Am I the flu version of Buck Rogers? What century is it? Okay Lorca there may have been a build up to this insanity and I missed it, but get a grip lady! I’d love to see your insurance claim for the fender bender with the robot! (By the way last time we spoke I was going round to an old lady’s house to see if I could be a good neighbour, prompted by your act of kindness to a friend; well I rang the door bell on a bright Sunday and the door was answered by a young woman; I said who I was and was promptly invited into the house where there was a cheery family gathering about to have Sunday lunch, round at granny’s… I was introduced to the daughter, son in law, children and their dog… everyone said how nice I was… but they looked at me like I was a creepy granny targeting con man… I made my excuses and left. Two weeks later dressed in black, I like black clothes, I left the house at 9pm looking like a man about to go and do a burglary, but really just off to do night work, and encountered the lady’s son coming out of her house… the look he gave me was quite threatening). Anyway did you buy anything interesting at the shops? Robots? WTF?
So sorry that you’ve been feeling down and that you were mistaken for a con man. You should have just directed them to my blog and they would have understood everything perfectly. Wait, no, don’t ever do that. Don’t ever show someone my blog as a justification for what you are about to do!
Yes, we have shopping cart robots that go around the parking lot and help the employees scoop up the carts and return them to them store. They’re actually not as sophisticated as I make them sound, they’re more just about the power of pushing the whole line of carts while the employee does all the scooping and steering.
I did file an insurance claim, and they didn’t believe my robot story either.