UPDATE: From the comments section, I discovered this morning that the great readers of my blog are really, really smart, because almost no one knew what YOLO stands for. It’s sad, but this post somehow actually makes MORE sense if you do know, so it stands for “You Only Live Once.” I’m sorry for having to tell you that.
For those of you who don’t spend enough time on the internet to know, there’s this concept called YOLO. I was really disappointed to find out it has nothing to do with low-fat frozen yogurt. It sounds like it should. And as much as people use the term YOLO, that yogurt should taste awesome.
Sadly for us dessert fans, YOLO is not only not a yogurt, it’s this asinine slogan that young people with zero responsibilities and zero self-respect use to justify doing stupid stuff, like meth. Or sex with a stranger in the JC Penney fitting rooms. Or meth. People have taken to tossing out the phrase YOLO like it’s the answer to everything, like there are hermits freezing in mountaintop caves in the Himalayas right this very minute just hoping for some lost soul to come ask them what the meaning of life is so they can shrug their shoulders and say, “YOLO.”
You wanna YOLO, my barely post-pubescent philosopher? Try the military. Try only living once by going to college, getting a degree, and curing something that rages uncontrollably throughout the worst regions of Africa. How about you YOLO your ass off by taking a bullet for a pregnant woman in a gas station robbery?
I do have some insight into what your future self would like you to know about YOLO: gonorrhea is permanent. (I’m really insanely proud that I had to spell check “gonorrhea” because I just don’t use the word often enough to know how to spell it right the first time.) After your 18th birthday, most arrest records are permanent, too. So are paternity test results. Keep that in mind.
18 thoughts on “YOLOs of the Future”
To add to your definitions, it’s also used by straight kids who want to ‘experiment’ with same-sex partners. Even if it’s only once, cause, well, ya know.
Okay then! There is a YOLO I can support, as long as they are making a choice for themselves.
Doesn’t YOLO and blue make green?
It does on some of these YOLOs because their skin is completely YOLO from the tanning beds, spray tan, and huge amounts of makeup!
YOLO = You Only Live Once
Yeah that’s right Lorca you tell ’em! Yolo is bad; she broke up the Beatles man!
LOL if ONLY it were just the Beatles!
Disturbing. If I EVER hear my step-kids or my grandkids say this, I’ll take out my Leatherman and twist their tongues off. I’d love to know what it stands for.
Let me go update this blog. Sorry!!! 🙂
I had never heard of YOLO and I think I’m grateful. Does it actually stand for something? Or would that require a few too many brain cells?
I guess I never pointed out its meaning, did I? See? I’m all mysterious and got you to Google it! It’s “You Only Live Once.”
loved your rant – I guess I’m too old to have heard of “yolo” AND this is the first I heard about gonorrhea being permanent! thanks for keeping me in the know.
Oh boy. PLEASE don’t read this blog for accurate medical information. That’s what WebMD is for!
You are so right on! Now I’m going to get that yogurt . YUMMY
I know, right? But why stop at yogurt? The ice cream is right next to it in the freezer!
Wow, do I love how you make me laugh. And look at yolofroyo.com That should make you smile, too.
OMG, it’s REAL? It’s REALLY REAL? I knew it had to be yogurt!!!