The Spite Baby

This kid is just scary looking. And expensive looking. There's no way she has 20/20 vision with those eyes.

I try really hard not to discuss politics on this blog because I simply don’t know what I’m talking about. I try to also leave religion out of it, too, but that’s just because I know full-well that my religion is better than your religion, so there’s no need to brag about how awesome my religion is because that would be just rubbing it in your face. (By the way, I’m Catholic. The un-Rick Santorum kind.)

But sometimes there’s something going on in politics that is both so angering that I have to think about it and so confusing that I at least have to read what the internet had to say about it. Apparently, and I could be confused by the facts on this one, we don’t have enough babies in America.

I realize China has grown into a super-human country where they have so many people the borders literally can’t hold them all, and I don’t actually think the government is trying to compete by making our citizens have as many babies as they have in China, but something’s not adding up. Our government is arguing over whether or not my health insurance has to cover birth control, but I don’t think everybody’s thought this through.

Has anyone done the math on a few years’ worth of birth control versus providing health insurance for a baby from its pre-pop-out days all the way through its college graduation? I don’t think they have, so if the government makes me have a baby I’m going to make sure that I give birth to the anti-Christ, just for the fun of it.

I don’t mean that I’m going to be neglectful or teach the child cruelty. I mean, it is actually going to BE Rosemary’s Baby. I don’t really know how I’m going to bring that to pass just yet, but if anyone can give birth to a medically evil human being, I can.

More importantly, this baby is going to be the most expensive child my health insurance company has ever met. It will have every three month check-up. I will take it to the emergency room for every sniffle and fever higher than 98 degrees. I will have it tested for every disease and medical condition known to medical science. I’ll have it tested for diseases that don’t even exist in this country, and a few diseases that only occur in animals. The child will have orthodontia, glasses, and corrective shoes (I realize that will make my child a target for bullying at school, but he’ll be okay once he figures out that he’s the anti-Christ.). I will buy the prescription-only children’s vitamins instead of Flintstones. Did you know you can even get a prescription for WATER? Yes, my child will drink only the Rx water and the doctor who wrote the prescription and the pharmacy who sold it to me will all send their bills to my health insurance provider.

It would be a whole lot cheaper if the health insurance providers just shut up and covered my documented medical condition: hyperfertility, or the ability to get pregnant while doing normal activity (well, okay, normal grown up activity…and define “normal.”). The providers should be required to cover the treatment because it’s a really real medical condition. After all, you just read about it on the internet.

10 thoughts on “The Spite Baby

  1. Actually since most Republicans are married they DO know what birth control is for. But they figure that if you can’t get the pill, you can ‘t have any fun and that is the goal of the whole thing. They hate the idea that somewhere, someone who isn’t filthy rich and a member of their country club could do anything except work for slave wages. Why isn’t anyone else asking Rush Limbaugh why he returned from Haiti with a bag full of someone else’s viagra–if he wants to talk “slut”??

  2. This is exactly one of my arguments for birth control to be covered. Babies are expensive, and they cost a helluva lot more than birth control. I’m sick of politicians and religion, but I’d be super pissed if I had 10 children just because some man thinks it’s morally wrong for me to have contraception. If this were the case, my health insurance would be paying for my frequent stays in mental health institutions, because my breakdowns would be the only vacation I get from my little darlings.

    • I wonder if we can sue our health insurance providers for causing us to have mental illness due to lack of orgasms! If I can’t have birth control, I can’t have sex…my husband can sue for the breakdown of our marriage! We’re gonna be so rich that we can afford to have more kids!!!

  3. I was literally just making this same point to a friend last night. Not that I’m going to give birth to the anti-Christ. Boy, would that be weird. No, that providing healthcare (and possibly more) to a baby is way more expensive than birth control.

    How has this point not been made more vocally? Republicans simply cannot make this argument about money or birth control wins, hands down.

    • It’s all because politicians still have this skewed view that abortions are for Suzie Homecomeing Queen and that the Pill is something federal agencies hand out to crack whores out of the back of a van. The majority of abortions are performed on white, married, middle class women who already have children but just can’t afford another one. And birth control is for people who are trying to be responsible about it!

      Sadly, the law student who was called a slut but Limbaugh was actually speaking before committee about her friend who needed the Pill due to overdevelopment of ovarian cysts, yet the friend couldn’t afford it and it wasn’t covered by health insurance. The Pill does so much more than just let high school girls sleep around, it’s a shame Republicans don’t know that.

      My problem is this: why isn’t anyone arguing that Viagra is covered and the Pill isn’t?

      • More excellent points. This issue (like so many in the political spotlight) is being twisted and handled differently because too many people (in my opinion) are too quick to make it a moral issue rather than a legislative issue.

        I’m all for people being passionate about their faith. Passionate belief is fine, even a good thing, and conviction that leads you to live a specific way is just fine. But legislative decisions should not be made based on individual moral/religious conviction, no matter how passionately you feel about it.

        That’s my two cents.

        A lot of people disagree with me, which is just fine. I don’t have all the answers. But I do think we need to focus a little more on being fair and equitable in our legislation and a little less on pushing for or against a specific religious stance.

  4. Your government sure does seem to come up with some wacky ideas. I’m amazed this is even being debated. That said, your health system confuses me, so I don’t think I’ll make any further comment. I was under the impression that health insurance is a product offered in a free market and therefore the insurer should be free to cover whatever they want to cover and the consumer is willing to pay for, but it would seem I’m wrong since the government needs to stick its oar in…

    • In the real world, that’s how it should work. Unfortunately, a lot of things are coming into play here. First of all, ALL of the health insurance providers like to get together and decide they aren’t going to cover certain things. Autism, for example. And actually, health insurance is far more complicated than that…when you work for a company, you have no say in who the health insurance provider for that company is. If you don’t like the health insurance that is offered, you can either try to buy your own outrageously expensive health insurance or you can quit your job and try to find a different one with a company that has insurance that meets your needs. In this particular debate, people who are not Catholic but work for a Catholic-owned company are having the religious views of the company forced on them. In reality, it boils down to voters. One party is trying to claim, “We’re protecting the citizens,” and the other party is trying to shout over them by saying, “We’re protecting people’s pocket books.” In reality, there are about 150 more important issues that need to be discussed, but instead they’re trying to divert our attention away from the fact that they really don’t have any idea what they’re doing. That’s it, in a nutshell!

      Wow! For someone who doesn’t know anything about politics, I somehow managed to know a lot about this!

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