Professional Executioner Is Off My Career Aptitude Test

Little known fact: not all beheadings go as planned. I already told you I’ve been watching the entire episode list of The Tudors on my iPad, mostly just because I can watch TV on my iPad and I really don’t like television so I had nothing else to watch.

There’s one episode in particular where Henry is beheading someone AGAIN (it’s a running plot line). The executioner had gotten drunk the night before and it took about three or four loppings before any real sizeable chunk of the head came off. Then someone else snatched the axe from the man’s hand and finished the victim off because the crowd of people who had turned out to watch the execution were starting to get upset and vomitty.

So tonight as I was nailing holes in the lid of a pickle jar for my daughter’s homework (yeah, they go to public school, how could you tell?) and it took me several tries on each nail just to make a dent in the flimsy metal lid, I thought, “I just don’t have the accuracy and upper body strength to destroy things for a living.” Luckily, the invention of the guillotine will save me from an unsatisfying workplace environment.

On a lighter note, I am extremely good at washing pickle jars, but I purposely left that part of my career aptitude test blank. No sense giving people the impression that I’m even willing to do housework, let alone good at it.