They’re Coming for My Kneecaps


If you remember, several months ago (probably while drinking) I pledged my birthday to charity. Basically, instead of getting presents from anyone, I was to request that those sweet people give the amount of money they would have spent on me (probably on bottles of wine) and give it to a worthy cause. The charity was this really nice group of people who brings clean drinking water to places where you can probably still catch the plague.

And that charity has come to collect. I just got a really politely worded death threat telling me that if I don’t pay up, they will stop giving people clean water. Or maybe they’re going to force me to drink some of the water that they remove from these villages. I wasn’t really clear on how this works.

Anyway, jokes on them, I simply don’t know that many people who would buy me a present in the first place, so there’s only like three people’s worth of money to send them. Instead of having to do math, I’m just going to donate this month’s book sales to charity:water. That’s really their name, and no, I don’t know why they are boycotting capitalization. That’s gonna cost them one dollar, right there.

So happy birthday to me, villagers get water, somebody get me some wine.