The internet of things is already taking over my house, as evidenced by the fact that I just called out an apology to my Roomba when I heard it struggling over a piece of laundry I’d left in the floor. You’ll be glad to know the Roomba and my bra both survived the altercation.

But when a great little company with a crowdsourced product offered me (me, of all people!) the chance to test out one of their products and write about it, there was no way I was turning it down. First, I love free stuff, no matter how awesome or stupid. Second, from the lovely description in the email, I knew I had to have this thing because the potential for messing with my husband’s mind is endless. Third, I just like being important enough for companies to send me free shit.

This little gadget is called IvyLink, and it’s a smartoutlet, which right away is probably too smart for me and therefore out of my league. But when I learned that I could control this outlet–and therefore anything I plug into it–from my phone, there was no way I could NOT use it. Yes, you plug this adapter in your regular wall socket and you can turn it on and off from the free app you download to your phone. I’m sure the fantastic people who designed it were envisioning a better world where city apartment dwellers don’t have to leave their air conditioners or heaters on while they’re not home, but can instead get the temperature moving as they head back to the house. I’m sure there are irrigation considerations, so we don’t have to leave sprinkler systems on a timer and water the crops (or the golf course, my personal pet peeve) in the rain just because that’s how the system is set up; no, you can activate it from your app now. Went out to run some errands and took longer than you thought? No more walking into a dark house since you can activate the lamp you keep plugged into this thing before you even reach your drive way.

Or…OR…you could plug the TV into it and randomly turn the thing on and off from another room in the house, leaving your husband bewildered and misdirecting all blame away from you since you weren’t in the room. You could turn the bedside lamp on and off while seemingly texting your friend or checking Facebook. But those baby steps into keeping the man guessing are child’s play, nay, amateur hour.

I plugged the treadmill into this handy little device.

On. Off. THUD. On. Off. THUD. On. Off. THUD.

Before you leave nasty comments, remember that he totally had it coming for bodily injury grievances that I won’t go into here. But if this type of revenge is right up your alley (or if you’re a do-gooder who would use this gadget for the betterment of society), the folks who sent it to me would love you to check it out.