I Hate You, But Not Enough to Really Bring It Up

There are two kinds of people I just don’t understand: atheists and people who don’t like sports.

Now, you probably just read that sentence and have gotten the completely wrong idea about me. I’m not a redneck or a Bible thumper. I happen to be a Christian, although I go way out of my way to make that fact NOT be your problem. I also happen to follow several sports teams (almost as religiously as I follow religion) and ALL of my teams are better than your teams…at everything. I mean, even at converting oxygen to carbon dioxide. Better at balancing their checkbooks, better at waiting in line at the DMV, and definitely better at their sports.

But here’s my confusion: I truly don’t understand people who get up in arms about me believing these things. I’m fine with other people on Earth not liking my religion or my sports, but I don’t understand why they are so violently opposed to me participating in any of the clambakes that go along with church or football.

I could be wrong on a few fundamental religious points since my ordination came off the internet and only lets me watch religious ceremonies and not actually conduct them, but aren’t ALL members of ALL religions sort of required to think their religion is better than other religions? My Jesus can beat up your Jesus, and all that stuff? And if atheists think I’m a whiny, stupid, sheep-like follower of a complete and total lie…why do they give a shit? I’m not shoving it in anyone’s face, so there’s really no need to trash talk like we’re two drunks standing in the parking lot of the Super Bowl, arguing over a bad call made by the ref six seasons ago.

In the interest of full disclosure, I do understand that both Christians and sports fans–football fans specifically–have a really bad history of not making their beliefs other people’s problems…that whole Spanish Inquisition and the crusades to the Holy Land do immediately come to mind, although I don’t really have any historical event to compare to the slaughter of millions of non-believers where football is concerned. But I keep coming across little comments and insults hurled at Christians and sports fanatics who are just sitting there, minding their own business, not telling a soul that their god and their team is better than anyone else’s.

I’m no saint. Of course I think you’re stupid and pathetic for not believing in the same things I do, but I don’t have to bring it up. My innate superiority because of my choice of football team is just a known fact. But people who hate football somehow think I’m less of a person for believing in the existence of football, and don’t get me started on what I’ve been called for believing in the existence of anything else.

We all need a better “live and let live” policy, and again, I do understand that religious fanatics taken as a whole probably need to be the first ones in line to receive etiquette lessons. You can mock my god and my beliefs all you want to, you can even call me a barbarian for my adoration of violent sports. just kindly do it over there somewhere so you don’t block my view of the replay…of touchdowns or of Jesus.

12 thoughts on “I Hate You, But Not Enough to Really Bring It Up

  1. *stands and applauds* Well said. The only difference with me is I know my team is lame and not better than yours. We have a stadium that can be seen from space and a replay board that is definitely bigger than anyone else’s, but that’s about it. I’m quite sure the trophy room is bigger than my house, but it hasn’t had any new additions in it since the 90’s and probably isn’t going to acquire any anytime soon… *drops head into hands and weeps*
    I’d ask Jesus about it, but there’s that little problem about my baseball team not having won a world series since 1908…


  2. Without a doubt, I think I love you. You have just summed up my thoughts perfectly (although, to be honest, I just don’t give a damn enough about sports to “have” a team, unless my son is playing on one). Live and let live, people. I don’t tell you Who/What to believe in OR what team to follow OR which political party is best and you just leave me the hell alone and we will all get along JUST fine.

  3. For the record, I’m an atheist (or maybe one of those “spiritual but not religious” sorts).
    A. I don’t think you’re a “whiny, stupid, sheep-like follower of a complete and total lie.” I mean, you can be a whiny bitch sometimes, but I usually just chalk that up to hormones.
    B. I don’t give a shit, even when you’re bitching and whining about your religion. xo

    • LOL Because you know that the only thing keeping me from taking over the world is my whining. If I weren’t so busy bitching about stuff, I’d actually have the energy and brain cells to take over the whole thing and no one wants that.

  4. I like that hail Mary pass! Ah, religion and sports, nothing gets people more riled up. I believe in god and sports and they may very well be one and the same.

  5. Love it!! Too bad much of the anti religious snark comes from your dad! You know what they say about reformed drunks. Oh well. Spent the morning at bible study 🙂 love you lots

  6. Amen to that! If more people worried about their own business and less about other people’s business the whole world would be better off!! War eagle!!

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