Sorry, you reprobate, this post isn’t going where you think it is. I ended up having a threesome with an 18-wheeler and a Chevy Tahoe yesterday. Turns out, Toyota Rav4s have superiority complexes. I did NOT win that fight.
But then, the best thing EVER to happen on the internet occurred. Someone who follows this blog and who shall remain nameless (she knows what kind of evil she is, I don’t have to spell it out) made the most profound statement on Facebook:
See what she did there? She decided that I hadn’t been beaten down enough and that I was still feeling pretty good about myself, so she had to bring up the innocent little joke I play on my husband from time to time, the one where I pretend to be the OnStar lady and I call him through his car’s Bluetooth then threaten his life.
Well played, internet. Well played.
Lorca Damon 
Was the exercise video your doing? It was in your post.
Did you watch it on a mobile device? Then no. It wasn’t me. The gods of the internet think I’m fat.
So glad you’re okay and once I made a rental car onstar lady scream at me… Turn around! Turn around! You’re going to die! You’re going to die! Turn around now! In English.
Sorry, that was me. On the job training. I failed.
Heheheheheh!
Glad you OK!
Not my ideal threeway, to be sure. Just glad you’re okay!