I’ve got connections, and I mean, like, more connections than a Sicilian mob boss’s PR person. I have a whole crew of awesome people who let me be awesome by hanging out very near their awesomeness, so I am awesome vicariously. One of my coolest awesome people, DC McMillan, actually nominated me for not one-but-two awesome blog awards.

First, she nominated me for Blog of the Year Award, which is really cool because it’s only January but she has somehow decided that I am already better than anything that anyone can possibly do for the year. You know about things looking good in hindsight? I look good in foresight. (NOTE: there may have been something about this really being for 2012, but that still means I beat out NASA’s blog about that stupid robot landing on Mars.)

Second, she nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. I’m pretty sure it was for my charity work. Well, it might have been the blog post about how we shouldn’t run over manatees with powerboats while they’re trying to have sex and repopulate the manatee world. That counts. Shut up, it does too count. As part of this second award, I have to tell you seven things about myself. Go ahead and take your meds first.

1. If our plane crashed in the wilderness like on Lost, I could whittle a needle out of a twig and make some thread out of the intestines of a small animal and give you stitches to save your life. But I can’t pull teeth. I would throw up in your open mouth if you asked me to pull your tooth.

2. I can smell underwater. Don’t get excited, that doesn’t mean I can breathe underwater. I don’t know why that is.

3. I have a teddy bear I got when I was nine. I named him Gallagher after the guy who smashes the fruit.

4. I’ve never seen Fantasy Island, The Andy Griffith Show, or Love Boat. I’m not a moron, I know what those shows are, I’ve just never seen a whole episode of any of them.

5. I’ve also never eaten a Big Mac in my entire life. I’m five-a-and-half feet tall…where would I put it?

6. I once drove the U-Haul truck carrying all of the equipment for the US men’s water polo team, but I only drove it that one time because I swung into McDonald’s for something to eat (not for a Big Mac) and got it stuck under that little bar that hangs over the drive-thru speaker to let you know how high the clearance is.

7. I came really close to being named Sterling. Good one, Mom and Dad.

Now for the fun part. Just like in my college sorority days (shut up, I was too in a sorority!), I get to pick some people to nominate for awesomeness. I officially nominate IAmDumbSquared.com for Blog of the Year because it makes me laugh and kind of makes me feel really smart. As for the Very Inspiring Thing, my favorite blogs in the world are Solomon Inkwell‘s spooky-fun site, Sweet Sheil’s Fear Not blog, Erica Lucke Dean‘s fun-on-the-farm blog, the Fadderly blog, the Andi-Roo blog, and Julia Rachel Barrett‘s…um…quirky blog.

All the fine print is below:

Blogger of the Year:

1 Select the blog(s) you think deserve the ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award
2 Write a blog post and tell us about the blog(s) you have chosen – there’s no minimum or maximum number of blogs required – and ‘present’ them with their award.
3 Please include a link back to this page ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award – http://thethoughtpalette.co.uk/our-awards/blog-of-the-year-2012-award/   and include these ‘rules’ in your post (please don’t alter the rules or the badges!)
4 Let the blog(s) you have chosen know that you have given them this award and share the ‘rules’ with them
5 You can now also join our Facebook group – click ‘like’ on this page ‘Blog of the Year 2012’ Award Facebook group and then you can share your blog with an even wider audience
6 As a winner of the award – please add a link back to the blog that presented you with the award – and then proudly display the award on your blog and sidebar … and start collecting stars…

Very Inspiring Blogger Award:

1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 bloggers for this award and link to them.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.