I’m in a murderous mood today. I know, you’re already wondering what member of society has a) done something heinous to me and b) is gonna die in ways that it will take the cops weeks just to figure out who it is, let alone who killed him. Sadly, I don’t have a victim in mind, I’m just being a bitch right now.

I really have had a rough week, this already being Tuesday and all, but it’s not one of those funks that you can just throw wine and barbeque sandwiches at until it goes away. It’s one of those life-is-so-unfair-I-just-wanna-die kind of funks.

And that’s what’s making it so frustrating. If there was an actual real live about-to-be-dead person who had hurt me in some way, I’d know how to handle it. Trust me, cutting the brake lines is for amateurs. But I can’t even exact revenge on someone because my grumblies is just from the general blah of life. How do you get back at life?

Since plotting revenge is always very therapeutic, I’ve started a list of ways I will hurt the next person who wrongs me. Of course, I have them categorized by how awful the offense was, how intentional it was, how far the reach of the actual crime extended, and so on. It’s quite a masterpiece. And it’s making me feel better already.

Feel free to buy me this for Christmas because it’s awesome and I like to be really organized and because it will make me not kill someone. Just don’t get your fingerprints on it in case the cops ever nab it as evidence.