Sometimes You Have to Kiss a Few Frogs

Once upon a time, there was a gorgeous blogger who was just so eff-ing tired. She happened to be a princess. No, wait, a queen. Yeah, she’s a queen. A really good-looking one, one whose boobs were still perky and whose gray roots didn’t show all the time. She was awesome.

Her life was pretty tough. She had these two beautiful princess kids who were slow and untalented, but they usually sat there looking pretty and saying really nice things, so nobody minded that much.

One day, a real bitch came along and cast a spell on the queen and her whole castle. Everybody in the castle became really good at extracurricular activities. It got so bad, that at one point one of the little princesses actually had cross country practice, band practice, piano lesson, and baton lesson ALL IN THE SAME DAY.

The queen became tired. She wished she could be a frog so nobody made her drive them anywhere because it’s illegal for frogs to drive a car in forty-three states. And because she was the best queen who ever lived, her wish got granted. The End.

Don’t panic. I wasn’t really turned into a frog. That’s the frog head I made for my daughter’s Halloween costume last year during the entire month of October when I should have been sleeping, but instead realized that just laying there for four hours a night really wasn’t all that productive and was kind of self-indulgent. It still fits.

15 thoughts on “Sometimes You Have to Kiss a Few Frogs

  1. I’d think you were awesome even if you had been turned into a frog! Especially one whose gray roots didn’t always show and her…er,…um, you know, that other thing. 🙂
    So funny! I wondered why I hadn’t heard from you in a while. Skip a post if you must and get some rest, ok?


    • The bone marrow thing sidelined me for a minute (bc I caught a cold immediately afterward!), but I’m back. If I didn’t blog a couple of times a week, I’d never get this crap out of my head! And do I sense a reluctance on your part to mention my perky boobs?

  2. So glad you still have the frog head! Just a set of green pj’s, two horns and its a dinosaur! I happen to believe that the queen’s children are tremendously talented! And grateful for all the effort on their behalf……ok, I made that last part up.

    • Of course. Take the above frog and add a balloon inside the mouth filled with garlic and hot sauce. If you want revenge on that comment, offer to breathe fire out your butt every time her friends come over.

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