Rabies Isn’t an STD

I don't care what he tells you, you'd better use protection.

I have already explained that a large part of being a writer involves looking up really stupid stuff on the internet. I seriously don’t know where Hemingway got his ideas since the world wide web didn’t exist when he was hammering away on the old Royal. That must have been some really awesome Cuban rum he was always drinking, although I’ll admit that with the right number of mojitos I can become wordily inspired, too.

So there I was, researching stuff online and one thing led to another which led to an asinine video which led me to have to Google “sexually transmitted rabies.” We don’t have Dish Network at my house, don’t take this from me.

And here’s what I found out. Yes, rabies can be sexually transmitted. Between two people, stupid, not by having sex with raccoons. But I also discovered a different article that says no, it cannot be transmitted sexually. (I did learn that it can be transmitted by donating your organs if you die from rabies, which sadly happens a lot more often than I want to think about.) Apparently, there hasn’t been any real consensus yet on getting rabies by doing the nasty, either with an infected human or an infected woodland creature. You have been warned.

All of that life altering confusion made me really sad because I tend to rely on the internet for a lot of drastically important information like how much money I have in the bank and how long it’s going to be until the delivery guy shows up with my pizza. I also rely on the internet to tell me which candidate is being the least stupid this week. And I can’t even find out if having sex with a redneck who was bitten by a contagious squirrel is going to kill me?

I was going to suggest for a second that someone should be policing the internet to make sure it isn’t lying to me, but then I remembered that Congress is trying to get all Nazi-Fahrenheit-451 and censor the internet. I won’t stand for that since there is no way a possibly-Republican government censored internet is going to let me Google the phrase “riding a unicycle naked” for my next book.

10 thoughts on “Rabies Isn’t an STD

  1. Herpes is one of the most misunderstood std’s out there. The simple truth is that 90% of the adult population has it but doesn’t realize it. If you ever get a fever blister you have herpes. The only difference between mouth herpes and the other kind is simply where it’s located. It’s the same virus, resting at the back of your brain untill something triggers it and you get an outbreak. There is no difference in oral herpes and the other kind, just the location, and there is no cure for herpes, though drugs such as Valtrax can stop an ourbreak once you get one. Odds are these wrestlers already had the virus and why the big to do here is beyond me. You may know more about herpes on the dating and support site herpesdateonline.com. Good luck to you all!

  2. RN says rabies is transmitted by bodily fluids and is viral–think AIDS. So, same routes of transmission apply. Rabies is very lethal–virtually 100% death rate so recommend avoiding contact–sexual or otherwise– with infected racoons, dogs, cats, rednecks whatever.

  3. Riding a tandem naked might be more productive, Lorca

    I’m surprised you haven’t eliminated rabies from the USA. Lots of countries have, like here, for instance. Although we do have hydrphobia. Try offering to put water in his whiskey 🙂

    • Sure, go ahead and laugh while millions of people on the internet are contracting a totally preventable form of STD. I don’t know how you live with yourself. 😛

  4. You see, this is why we should be allowed to get crazy with experimentation on prisoners. We’ve got TONS of non-violent drug offenders just sitting in cells when they could be fucking armadillos and whatnot for science.

    Warden: “Ok, inmate 243532221, we will commute your life sentence, but first you’ve got to plow this opossum.”

    Opossum: (plays dead)

Surely you have something to say about this...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s