The subject of after holiday letdown certainly isn’t anything new. I’m usually so riled up by all the month-long preparations for holidaypaloozas for a variety of different religions (I don’t like to limit myself to one particular holiday, just in case) that by the time the last piece of tinsel comes down and the last chorus of “Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel” has been sung, I’m an emotional and physical wreck. I decided to avoid the bleak winter depression and resulting heavy drinking by just avoiding the whole mess in the first place.

I don’t mean that I skipped Christmas entirely at my house, although it would be safe to say that Scrooge had a little more festive going on at his place than I do. Sure, the stockings were hung with care…on the back of the couch. There is a tree up in my living room, and it’s fully decorated…with stuff I happened to have lying around the house. Like bottles of expired prescription medications.

The holidays just pretty much snuck up on me this year, so I just never really got around to doing a lot of decorating. Or cooking. Or shopping. I’m hard at work right now on my New Year’s Eve cards since the Christmas cards I bought never even left their box.

But I have a plan. I did a fantastic job today of putting all the decorations on our lovely tree before I shrink wrap the whole thing to put it in the attic.

It’s time to Saran Wrap my Christmas tree.

You read that right. I’m not done with the overspending or commercialism of what used to be a meaningful religious experience, but I am completely through with doing anything that feels too much like cleaning up. So I’ve got every decoration in my arsenal hanging precariously from a nylon and aluminum tree-shaped object and I’m wrapping the entire monument in layers of Saran Wrap until next year. Be forewarned, I have a similar plan in place for the turkey leftovers…