I have proven myself to be totally untrustworthy with the new coffee maker I got for Christmas. I cannot be left alone with it for even a few minutes, let alone an entire unsupervised afternoon.
In my pre-Keurig days, I would get up early and make a small pot of coffee in my four-cup Mr. Coffee. I would drink the first cup, sometimes catching it with my mouth as it dripped out of the filter basket, but once I’d downed that first cup I was awake. The remainder of the pot would go in my travel cup right before I walked out the door to be leisurely sipped as I dropped the children at their schools and then made my way to work. Granted, that second cup had been sitting on the machine’s burner plate for close to an hour, making it taste like road construction asphalt, but it was all I had to work with.
My NCD husband (non-coffee drinker) is truly an above par human being, because he’s capable of thinking vague holiday-ish thoughts like, “My wife likes chocolate, ergo, I should buy her a lot of Godiva chocolates and make her like me.” So the weeks leading up to Christmas were filled with tiny little hints about my Christmas surprise, hints like taking me to the department store, pointing at a Keurig coffee maker, and asking, “Do you like this one?” I never said he was a subtle human being, just very thoughtful.
Eventually, I found it would be easier and less potentially hurtful to just locate the specific coffee maker online, print out the item number and description, and find the names and addresses of six local stores that had the exact machine in stock. And why not? The real surprise would be the wrapping paper anyway.
So on Christmas Day, I drank my very first cup of Keurig coffee. Well, it was actually Newman’s Own brand, but it spit out into my eager mug from Keurig for which I will be forever grateful. By nine o’clock that morning, I was enjoying my fourth cup of Keurig coffee. Okay, this one was actually Caribou Coffee brand. And then I had a cup of Green Mountain Coffee brand. It was purely research, I had to find out which kind I liked best by sipping my way through the sampler pack that came with the machine in order to know which types of K-Cups to buy in the future. Or the next day as quantity would dictate.
Sadly, I ended up enjoying almost all of the sampler coffees. The good news is I was so hopped up on caffeine that I was able to take down all of the Christmas decorations, repack the ornaments in their boxes, roll up fourteen strands of lights from the shrubs out front, prepare our tax papers and our will, and take all of the present boxes and wrappings to the recycling center. On foot.
But here we are in the New Year and my Keurig addiction has not lessened. I think the culprit is the water reservoir on the side of the machine. I don’t even have to think about how much liquid is entering my body because I don’t have to fill the coffee maker. It is armed and ready at all times to provide me with liquid enlightenment at the touch of a button. I might need professional help. Or to at least switch to decaf.