It’s that time again.

Winter Olympics time.

The pageantry. The athleticism. The making fun of a fucking sport that involves sweeping a broom across the ice of a hockey rink while the real athletes are on a break.

Okay, I’ll admit I was vaguely intrigued by curling the first time it reared its stupid-assed head at some Olympics in an unpronounceable foreign city (poop, it probably first showed up at the Salt Lake City Olympics, and I’m gonna look stupid…or drunk. Let’s go with drunk.). But now…NOW… Curling is like that nerdy kid that all the popular kids tried to cruelly trick into thinking he was popular like them, only he doesn’t have the self-awareness and the pride to go away now.

It’s actually on TV. Right now. It’s a Monday night in January, and no, it’s not even the curling US Trials. This is just…on. My TV. The football national championship comes on AFTER curling. What the hell?!

Curling was only mildly amusing when I first accidentally saw it wedged between a Super-G run and a triple Salchow. But all imbibing aside, WHY IS IT ON MY TV WHEN IT’S NOT OLYMPICS TIME?!

I’m sure there are legions of curling fans who would have my head on a pike just for having written this blog post, but fortunately, they live in places that still don’t know about electricity and non-ice fishing, let alone the internet. I’m safe. Probably. But I’m gonna have to go all SEC Football on this situation and demand to know who decided this was a sport? This was a drinking game at best, and we’ve all had a good laugh. Now get it off my TV.

This post brought to you by real Olympic sports like ping pong, horse jumping, and beach volleyball. And lots and lots of booze. I’m pretty sure you weren’t aware of that first part. The second part was kind of self-explanatory.