This Pole Dancing Championship Post Wrote Itself

Sometimes, it’s tough to be a writer, especially one who has to be funny and biting and still spell everything correctly. Other times, the piece just writes itself. Like this one.

There is a Pole Dancing World Championship. I REALLY wish it had something to do with the national dance of Poland, but no, it has everything to do with being the best in the whole world at working the stripper pole. I do have to fully admit that this year’s competition was both fierce and very artistic in a “this is how Cirque du Soleil would look if it was naked and you could pay them in singles and maybe get a lap dance when it’s over and oh yeah, there’s a drink special tonight” kind of way. I also openly admit that I constantly mock pole dancing because I am insanely jealous that I do not look as good as they do whilst hanging upside down on a ball-bearinged fireman’s pole wearing a bikini. Take fireman’s pole however you wish. I just did, and it made me giggle.

Here is the it’s-easy-to-be-a-writer-today part: I actually found the video of this year’s world champion performance. I love how the video credits take pains to point out that this is the Women’s Pole Dancing Champion…like there’s a Men’s Pole Dancing Champion? But look further down the picture at the other video headlines.

Yes, on the same YouTube page as a gaggle of pole dancers, there is a headline about “Girl Survives with Half a Brain.” What search engine fail made thoroughbred stripper poling go hand in hand with having half a brain, you ask? The one that exists in a state of perfection, I tell ya.

P.S. Because I’m a giver who really knows her readers, here is the video of the world champion stripper pole contest. You’re welcome.

15 responses

  1. This is what I now imagine all those girls from Olympic and college gymnastics doing with their lives when they are NOT at meets.

    1. Sadly, they’re probably making a butt-load more money than they would if they had just qualified for the team!

  2. I feel like if the participants simply wore more clothing, we’d take a “What would your parents say” activity and turn it into a “Wow, what an inspiring display of athleticism!” contest. All things considered, this was pretty impressive and artistic- and not at all like what most liken to pole dancing.

    I’ve never seen a live pole dance- nor do I intend to- but if I had to choose, I’d prefer the type in the video above to the glittery, single-bill-ridden, “please don’t tell my wife” version of it.

    1. Yes, at the very least you can arguably tell your wife if she caught you, “Honey, you are far more beautiful than that girl. She looks like an East German swimmer!”

  3. Hey! I didn’t know the Olympics were back on! Damn, I missed the opening ceremonies again!
    The prevailing question running through my head at this moment is: Would my husband give a single to a she/he/it that could bench press him? The answer: Nope.
    See, I feel better about bachelor parties already! Thanks, Lorca! ;}

    1. If we could just somehow ensure that all future bachelor parties would have Russian powerlifters as the entertainment, I’ll be begging him to go.

      1. Crappy-ass garment – $32 (on sale)…
        Pole dancing hermaphrodite – $150 per half hour…
        A few hours of solitude combined with years of reminiscing over just how uncomfortable he was for that half hour – Priceless!

  4. That was interesting. I wouldn’t say there was much sex appeal, it was more like some gymnastic event. Its certain that she spent years and years learning to do that, and one has to wonder how a girl gets into competitive pole dancing.

    1. I want to know precisely step by step how you get into competitive pole dancing so I can keep my two daughters out of it.

  5. Went to the youtube site. WOW. Check out the men’s “fitness pole dancing ” champ……just for research purposes, of course!!

  6. Wow, those are some muscles! These are gymnasts who didn’t make their home country’s gymnastics teams, right? Gotta be.

    1. Must be. Once the government takes you from your parents at age two and trains you all those years, you owe them a gold medal of some kind. She just fell into the pole dancing track instead of pole vault.

  7. Ok, while I am wowed by her muscle tone and strength, I don’t see sexy. Would anyone want to shove dollar bills at her? If this is the same kind of pole dancing in stripper bars, I just don’t get it.

    1. I do think she’s a lot more athletic-looking than most girls working the pole. Of course, we see Hollywood’s version of a pole dancer in the movies. There’s a long story about why I was in a strip club in New Orleans, and the typical dancers there simply looked…sad. And men will shove dollar bills at anything that will take its clothes off set to music, including the dog.

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