It’s Time for Some Poll Dancing

I am so sick of the elections that I’m ready to jump on any bandwagon that involves having no form of government whatsoever. So what if we’ll need to stock up on ammo and heavy artillery to survive in the anarchy? At least I can quit getting updates from HuffPo on which candidate has a smoother complexion and therefore is ahead in the polls.

After all, polls might be some kind of indicator of how the election is going to go, but as Americans we are a fickle people who like to grab the shiniest thing in the drawer. That means we really don’t know how it’s gonna go down until the fire actually starts.

So instead, I would like to ask all of my readers to answer the following polls about things that actually matter in life.

 

 

 

 

 

Just remember, America, it’s not too late. There’s still time to make a good choice, and with enough effort and campaigning we can get the entire human race to declare the eggnog tastes like something a buzzard would puke up.

10 responses

  1. Wow, I didn’t realize RSS had a Neptune feed… geesh. They warned me there would be days like this when I was diagnosed, but that it wasn’t fatal. Thank god. Personally, this is a hell of a lot funnier. Voodoo health plan. I shoulda voted Rapture.

    1. I don’t know, maybe I should start putting away a little money each month, just in case all of our calculations are a bit off!

  2. Congratulations! Your poll questions and answer choices have been put through a psychometric evaluation process and it appears that you are sane and humane; this may cause you some problems as the world isn’t.

    1. I think it disqualifies me from running for public office!

  3. At last… a poll that actually means something! And I detest eggnog. More than Biden’s veneers.

    1. OMG the veneers are so distracting. I can’t look away.

  4. How do I get my “I voted” sticker?

  5. Strychnine cause I really coulda used it the last couple of weeks
    Ugg boots and a mini skirt cause Ishbel insists that I get to look at something I’m never going to get my hands on
    Voodoo Ishbel needs somewhere to stick her pins, so it must be that one
    Pension is clearly based on Predictions based on Mayan calendar
    I found a new unopened tin of biscuits going into the store cupboard, clearly we are beginning to panic now

  6. Strychnine is OK if you mix it with some charcoal ;-) I also need to clarify my answer to Number 3. ‘Voodoo’ = govt funded free healthcare, available in Australia and selected other countries :-) For number 5, I can’t vote, but my answer still holds – I can prefer one yahoo over the other, even though I’m not American!

    1. HAHAHA! No, I meant literal voodoo, as in, swallow these powders made from bat wings if you can’t afford penicillin for your strep infection.

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