I am so sick of the elections that I’m ready to jump on any bandwagon that involves having no form of government whatsoever. So what if we’ll need to stock up on ammo and heavy artillery to survive in the anarchy? At least I can quit getting updates from HuffPo on which candidate has a smoother complexion and therefore is ahead in the polls.

After all, polls might be some kind of indicator of how the election is going to go, but as Americans we are a fickle people who like to grab the shiniest thing in the drawer. That means we really don’t know how it’s gonna go down until the fire actually starts.

So instead, I would like to ask all of my readers to answer the following polls about things that actually matter in life.






Just remember, America, it’s not too late. There’s still time to make a good choice, and with enough effort and campaigning we can get the entire human race to declare the eggnog tastes like something a buzzard would puke up.