Sometimes You Have to Kiss a Few Frogs

Once upon a time, there was a gorgeous blogger who was just so eff-ing tired. She happened to be a princess. No, wait, a queen. Yeah, she’s a queen. A really good-looking one, one whose boobs were still perky and whose gray roots didn’t show all the time. She was awesome.

Her life was pretty tough. She had these two beautiful princess kids who were slow and untalented, but they usually sat there looking pretty and saying really nice things, so nobody minded that much.

One day, a real bitch came along and cast a spell on the queen and her whole castle. Everybody in the castle became really good at extracurricular activities. It got so bad, that at one point one of the little princesses actually had cross country practice, band practice, piano lesson, and baton lesson ALL IN THE SAME DAY.

The queen became tired. She wished she could be a frog so nobody made her drive them anywhere because it’s illegal for frogs to drive a car in forty-three states. And because she was the best queen who ever lived, her wish got granted. The End.

Don’t panic. I wasn’t really turned into a frog. That’s the frog head I made for my daughter’s Halloween costume last year during the entire month of October when I should have been sleeping, but instead realized that just laying there for four hours a night really wasn’t all that productive and was kind of self-indulgent. It still fits.

15 responses

  1. I’d think you were awesome even if you had been turned into a frog! Especially one whose gray roots didn’t always show and her…er,…um, you know, that other thing. :)
    So funny! I wondered why I hadn’t heard from you in a while. Skip a post if you must and get some rest, ok?

    -Jimmy

    1. The bone marrow thing sidelined me for a minute (bc I caught a cold immediately afterward!), but I’m back. If I didn’t blog a couple of times a week, I’d never get this crap out of my head! And do I sense a reluctance on your part to mention my perky boobs?

  2. So glad you still have the frog head! Just a set of green pj’s, two horns and its a dinosaur! I happen to believe that the queen’s children are tremendously talented! And grateful for all the effort on their behalf……ok, I made that last part up.

  3. Cute and funny. Love it!

  4. Can you make a fire breathing dragon costume for me? My daughters say that’s what I’ve turned into.

    1. Of course. Take the above frog and add a balloon inside the mouth filled with garlic and hot sauce. If you want revenge on that comment, offer to breathe fire out your butt every time her friends come over.

  5. You don’t even know what it took for me to like this particular post. I have an intense dislike/fear of frogs…LOL! But I enjoyed your spin so much I couldn’t resist.

    1. You should see the snake costume I made for my husband. THAT will induce night-sweats level fear. On the other hand, I don’t think anyone should see that costume except us.

  6. 4 hours sleep? Incredibly self-indulgent! How could you…

    1. I know. It’s practically like going to a spa.

  7. I was looking for a good bedtime story. Thanks for that.

    1. Oh, I had to give up the bedtime story duty in our house. The kids were never able to sleep again after some of the tales I told!

      1. Ha, have you ever read the original Grimm’s Fairytales? My mom used to read them to me as a kid. Scarred me for life!

        1. Love them, in fact, if you haven’t already you should check out the novel, A Tale Dark and Grimm. VERY eerie and gross stuff!

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